Posted by: leebase | April 23, 2012

Why Am I So Fat?

View on a Walk

“If you know so much, why are you fat?”  Sure, it was an ad hominem attack on me by someone who couldn’t deal with my logic in a discussion on a WW forum, but it’s still a good question.  Not the ridiculous notion that fat folks just don’t know anything about health, diet or achieving goals.  That’s too absurd to bother debunking.  But how in the world did _I_ get to be so hugely fat?  I felt it would be good to reflect on just why, even though I knew better, I wound up where I am.

I think the root cause is that I’ve never respected my body.  I’ve always been about my mind.  All my self esteem revolved around being smart.  I wasn’t an athlete, and I wasn’t good looking.  Up until college I was just naturally skinny.  I ate a lot, but had a lot of activity.  Then genetics and lifestyle change (college) kicked in and I began to gain weight, little by little.  I’ve gained slowly, pretty much a steady upward pace adding 5 to 10lbs a year.  It just never bothered me all that much.

Perhaps being a nerd and being picked on growing up had something to do with my mindset.  I’ve always had to find my own inner motivation, inner self love and esteem.   As I’ve gained weight, I remained happy with who I was.  I guess positive self image is mostly a good thing, but in my case, it kept me from taking more serious action sooner.

I also never connected with that guy in the mirror.  I never really look at myself.  In my mind, I’m still 25 years old.  I just don’t relate to that fat old guy in the mirror.  I continually get shocked when I see video of myself.  WOW – who is THAT fat guy?  I’d see other people, not as large as me, and think “they need to go on a diet”.

When I’d go on diets in the past, I’d delve in, read books, educate myself.  But ultimately, I just would work at it for awhile and then move onto more interesting or pressing parts of my life.  Foolish, I know.  But there it is.  I think the root of my own personal battle is to start valuing my body.  After all, my lovely brain has to live there 🙂

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Responses

  1. Lee, I had to see your blog after trying to figure out your deleted post on GoaDs. One thing we have in common other than obesity is I never really saw myself as fat. Then one day last September I saw my reflection in a store window and wondered why some fat guy had my head on his body. The next day I joined WW. That was 56 pounds ago.

    • Thanks for stopping by. Congrats on your accomplishment. I plan on joining you (notice I said “plan” and not “hope). My ability to not “take in” the reality of my fatness…truly, I’m an accomplished denier 😉

  2. Lee just wanted to reach out. You seem to be banging your head against a wall about a number of things on the forums.

    If you want to get a sense of how WW works go read Steve0Mania’s deep thought series which has a lot of info extracted from the patents, it’s hosted on my personal blog at b.feli.me/deep

    Other suggested readings:
    – “Volumetrics” by Barbara Rolls
    – “Why Calories Count” by Marion Nestle

    • Thanks


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